


The Most Interesting

by Roturier



Category: Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler
Genre: All-star cast - Freeform, Except it's ALL TRUE, Much silliness, Multi, U-spot-the-references, Well this was inspired by that., You remember that Dos Ecces commercial don't you?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 20:16:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9288029
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roturier/pseuds/Roturier
Summary: You remember that Dos Exxes Beer commercial, don't you?





	

 

He is the most interesting demon butler in the world. His smirk alone has the strength of ten men. He collects books on the Black Death and the Spanish Inquisition.

There is a rumour he once dated Death itself. After a messy break up, Death retired to private life with a broken heart, vowing never to love again.*

He once taught a Russian blue to play poker and black jack. The cat is now banned from every casino in Vegas and Monte Carlo for card counting.

He looks so damned good in fishnets and a corset, an entire Drag Queen Revue once quit in protest over having to follow him when he did an impromptu pole dance on a bet.

He's so magnetic he wrecks security recording devices, credit cards and electronic equipment everywhere he goes.

_Sherlock Holmes_ used to secretly consult him when _he_ was stumped.

He once French kissed a tiger. Betty still calls him late at night when she gets drunk.

He's been known to cure frigidity just by walking into bedrooms.

His blood tastes like strawberry wine, his skin, like salty caramel, and _it_ tastes like Bailey's Irish cream. He had an earl once, just to see what it would be like, then declared 'the Marchioness was better because she topped.'

He can herd cats effortlessly just by showing up and then walking backwards.

An Indian prince once praised his curry, a French chef his _pot a' feu._ Doctors pester him all the time to leave his body to science ...mostly _female_ doctors _._ Amongst angels he has his very own secret fan club _._ Even shinigami who despise him have him on speed dial, just in case of emergencies.

He was bitten by a black mamba while living with pygmies in the Belgian Congo. (The snake died.) He was bitten by a vampire as well (the vampire died of excessive ecstasy.)

He once wrote a monograph on the best kissers in the world; cats were rated number one. Tigers got a special mention.

He believes in strict punctuality. He has a strong sense of ethics and aesthetics. He does **_not_** believe in underwear.

 

_He really **is** the most interesting demon butler in the world._

 

"I don't always manifest as a butler, but when I do, you can trust I am one **_HELL_** of a butler."

________

*Now believed to now be running a combination funeral home/joke shop in Egg Harbor City, New Jersey.

 


End file.
